Today seems like it must have 48 hours in it rather than 24 because time is slowly passing as I sit here in my office during lunch. It's been busy workwise but I am so distracted with all the things going on my personal life. And you can almost conclude, based on the sheer fact that I am (for all intensive purposes) as single woman, that my interaction with the male species has significantly contributed to my disposition.
There is one basic question that I would like to have answered for me at some point in this lifetime. That question is: Why do we allow our own selfish desires to put us in a position to make the one we have professed our love for feel so used and unappreciated? Then again, do I really need to ask that question, since it seems as thought the answer to the question lies within the question...SELFISH.
I watched my mom, since I was 2 years old attempt to make "happy" with my stepdad, who out of sheer selfish behavior would, consistently place my mom in a position where she would wonder if he really even loved her at all. Financially, he was meeting each and every need that our family had, while emotionally, he often left her (and sometimes I) feeling destitute and deprived off the basic necesities on an emotional level. His inability to be monogomous and emotionally attached to our family often times left us clinging to each other to find the very thing that we (the three of us) should have all been sharing with one another...LOVE. Took her 30+ years to finally seek out peace of mind.
This leads me to my current situation. If you are committed to this relationship (or so you say) and we are funtioning 100% on all cylinders, why do I have that same feeling that I so often had as a child. When a man cannot cater your needs emotionally (or simply reciprocate what is given) then it is time to raise the issue with your mate. But once you have voiced your concerns and the needs remained unaddressed, I have concluded that it speaks to his lack of desire to commit to the relationship wholeheartedly and deserves no more of your time.
At that point all the time, effort and love you have invested are to be shelved and a swift and hurried departure are necessary so that you can begin the healing process...but I am not looking forward to the walking away part. Just not looking forward to the pain or the lonliness. BUT on the other side of that coin, I am sooooo looking forward to having my peace of mind back.
Am I being hasty? Have I considered all the alternatives? Who the hell knows...
But this is where I am... in the tree, looking down from the nest that's way up high...seeing life from a Bird's Eye View.
And such is life...
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